


Brave

by just_makeing_it_gay_97



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, F/F, Infected Characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:28:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28770111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/just_makeing_it_gay_97/pseuds/just_makeing_it_gay_97
Summary: The time came for Ellie to take the mantle of Jackson's Leader, with her wife and son by her side. This is from the perspective of those around her, more specifically a certain sixteen year old trainee.OrWhat if JJ didn't grow up to be as brave as he wanted to be?Ellie/Dina, grown up JJ, TW ANXIETY
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 81





	Brave

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for clicking! Hope you enjoy the read, which reaaaaally got away with me I'll be honest 😂 bit I thought "hey, what if JJ grew up to not be a confident badass?"
> 
> Last mention but TW ANXIETY

JJ hated the infected, he wasn't alone in that thought, he knew, but that didn't change how frightened he was. The sounds they made, the disfigured faces, the speed and scary strength.

_ Yeah, fuck the infected. _

But he couldn't be afraid, not at all. He was JJ Williams, son of Jackson's leaders, who's stories he'd grown up learning from other townspeople, not his mother's. Hearing about Fireflies, Hunters, Scars and Wolves, he needed to be brave, just like them, right?

He'd heard of the losses and lives they'd had to take, and seen how many scars his mom had collected, but it didn't motivate him to be like her at all.

_ I have to face that... I'm a coward. Fuck. _

He was sat in his room, holding a frame of his mom and her dad, the man who'd died before he was born, and was her father in all but blood.

_ Like how mom is for me, I guess. _

There's a knock at the door, and he nearly jumps out of his skin.

"Gah! Oh, hi mama."

She laughed and leaned against the door frame.

"You okay, spud?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, unintentionally mimicking his mom, and shrugged.

"Yeah, just thinking is all."

Dina's brow creased and she pushed off of the frame to sit heavily next to her son, ruffling his hair as she looked at the picture with him.

"Did you know him?"

She gave a soft smile, eyes tracing over Ellie in the photo.

_ So young. _

"Who'd you think took the picture?"

He smiled, the photo of his mom and grandad was one of his favourites, so it's not a shock to his parents when it kept vanishing off of the mantle. That, and the photo of his dad and his two mom's from when they were his age, which now lived on his bedside table.

"What're you thinking about, with that big brain 'a yours?"

He blushed a bit, a habit she didn't know where he learned.

"Nothin'. Just thinking."

Dina hummed and kissed his temple, ruffling up his hair which was shaggy like Jesse's.

"Well, dinner is almost ready and your mom is back tonight, so we'll both be there for you tomorrow. Cool, huh?"

She squeezed his shoulders and stood, a timer going off downstairs, which she rushed to shut off. JJ hadn't moved, though, mind racing impossibly faster.

_ Mom will be here too?! Oh, god I'm gonna be such an embarrassment! _

He groaned and leant back on his bed, arms out wide as he stared at the ceiling.

"I'm so fucked…" he muttered.

* * *

Twenty minutes later and he was downstairs with his mama, helping set the table for dinner.

"Smells great, Mama."

"Yeah, it sure does."

They both gasped at the voice, turning with matching expressions of shocked glee.

"Mom!"

JJ lunged and hugged her tight, noting how she smelt of trees and fresh air.

"Hey spud, missed me?"

She hugged him back, he was almost taller than her now, but she'd worry about that another time. They let go, and Ellie's arms were wrapped around Dina moments later.

"Don't go for that long again."

"I'll try."

JJ busied himself with the cutlery, not wanting to intrude.

"Do you wanna go get changed?"

"Why, do I stink?"

Dina smirked and shoved her shoulder, using her thumb to wipe Ellie's forehead, which had a drop of blood she'd missed.

"Always, that looked pretty close. You okay?"

Ellie shrugged, kissing Dina on the cheek.

"Always am, just some idol runners, nothing bad. I'll go get changed, be down in five!"

She kissed Dina on the lips, a peck, and made her way up the stairs two at a time. Dina sighed as her wife left, washing her hands in the sink.

"Honestly, your mother never grew up, you know that?"

JJ laughed, and started setting the plates.

"Hopefully I do, huh?"

Dina rolled her eyes and nudged him with her shoulder.

"Oh honey, you're exactly like her. You're never growing up."

She winked at his aghast look, bursting out in laughter when he flicked her elbow.

"Bully."

"Never!"

His anxieties ignored for now, JJ focused on dinner, and not tomorrow.

* * *

The other trainees were always a little awkward around him, like they walked on eggshells. He was the son of Jackson's most notoriously strong and deadly women, but this meant making friends was a little tough.

Luckily he'd made one friend; a girl with dark skin and darker hair, which was held back by cornrows. She was slightly shorter than him, had an amazing laugh and told the best jokes.

Sometimes, they were mostly bad, honestly, but she tried. Her name was Avery, and she was JJ's best friend.

They're stood at the back of the training room, the others all full of nervous energy, their trainer at the front looking tired behind the eyes, but very aware of what was going on.

"Okay kids, time to face your first Infected. If you freeze, you'll have to restart your training, which may seem harsh but, well, I'd rather be harsh than have you die. We clear?"

They nodded, and she stood from her desk.

"Right, we have a group ready for you. They'll come at you one at a time, so don't worry about them crowding you. Your challenge is to put them down before they get close enough to do damage if this was a real scenario."

JJ's hands were sweating, Avery elbowed him to get his attention.

"You good?"

He gave a half smile.

"Sure."

She wasn't convinced, but hell, he was a bad liar. The woman at the front, Maria, clapped her hands together to make sure she'd gained everyone's attention, giving JJ a look to make sure he knew why, which sent a pang of anxiety through his stomach.

"Miss!"

One of the older trainees, Connor, had asked the question, making the woman roll her eyes with a loud groan.

"Connor for the  _ last time,  _ call me Maria."

"Yes, sorry- Maria. How many infected will we be facing?"

JJ laughed quietly to himself at her expression, which was the facial representation of a question mark.

"I've said it so many times, Connor. _One._ You have to kill _one_ runner to pass training. You think it's easy to gather a bunch of them?"

"No, that's a good point-"

Maria scoffed.

"Yeah, it is. It's a miracle we were able to capture any for you guys. Gotta thank JJ's mom for that."

The eyes turned to him and Avery again, he didn't move, as though they were clickers and not other people, while Avery threw up a peace sign.

At his side glance she shrugged.

"What, I panicked!"

"Anyway, let's get going."

"Aren't the infected here?"

Maria gave the other girl an odd look.

"Are… are you serious? No, of course they're not inside Jackson. You've all heard the stories of the damage they can do if they can get out, especially with what happened in Santa Barbara."

_ How could I forget, my mom killed a whole gang with some guns and two clickers. _

"What if they bite us?"

"Then you die. I can't explain it any better!"

"You won't stop them if they get too close?"

"Do you want me to hold your hand while you go the bathroom, too?"

There's a knock, the class looks to the door to find a bemused Tommy. He was certainly a sight; a heavy limp and a gross scar across his blind eye, hair back in a low tail and a scruffy beard.

"They drivin' you mad?"

"I don't know why I agreed to be their trainer, I'm so bad with kids."

Some of the older students looked a little put back.

"Well, yer good at what you do, is why. Y'all ready to kill your first Infected?"

They seemed excited, and JJ had no clue why.

"C'mon then, let's go get 'um."

* * *

Before JJ knew it, they were on their way out of the building and to the gate. He shakily got up onto a horse, noticing they had a few trained scouts around them, on the offhanded chance an infected made its way past their patrols.

JJ had gone outside the walls a few times, never far and for long. His mom wanted to teach him how to shoot a bow, how to make one, and how to swim. He was always uncomfortable outside, but never failed to feel safe in her presence.

Still, being there without her was weird.

"Hey, kiddo."

Tommy came up beside him, steadying his horse to fall in step.

"Hey Tommy."

"... You nervous?"

JJ grabbed his reins tighter, looking down.

"Yeah, sure am."

Tommy nodded, sitting a little straighter.

"Well, if it helps, we won't  _ actually _ let them kill you, obviously. We got people keeping an eye on you, don't tell the others though, keeps them jumpy."

"You want us nervous?"

He shrugged.

"Yes, so you'll know how it'll be when you're in the real world. Learn how you'll react."

_ I… I guess that makes sense. _

"Fair enough."

He smacked his shoulder.

"Don't worry, bud. You'll be great. Your mom's will be there too, cheering you on."

_ He's trying to be comforting, I think. _

Avery pulls up to his side as Tommy chunts ahead, the nervous air he was known for, now following her, too.

"Have you ever seen one?"

Flashes of a runner sprinting at him, grabbing his shoulder and pinning him to the forest blazed in his brain. Then, his mom, who he hadn't even known was following, smashing through a window of the adjacent building and grappling the infected. Watching as the teeth wrapped around her wrist, biting her, just as her switchblade gained purchase in its neck, the blood tearing out and spraying on her face, some landing on his chest.

Memories of horror, self hated for killing his mom, and confusion when she didn't seem too bothered, worrying only about his health.

The next morning the bathroom smelt of some weird chemicals, and his mama didn't leave their side, telling him she wasn't bit, the infected was toothless.

_ I knew I saw teeth, they were inches from my face. _

He didn't care though, his mom was safe.

A hand waved before his eyes, making him wince to the side and annoy his horse, who neighed in irritation.

"Wow, you  _ really _ spaced!"

He flushed and sat properly on the saddle, patting the horse's neck in apology, to which it grunted in response.

"Yeah, sorry. I saw some, a while ago, when mom took me and mama swimming."

"... Must've been scary."

"It was."

His friend caught on that he didn't want to talk, and they rode the rest of the way in silence.

* * *

The area set up was caged off, with barrack-like spikes, to stop Infected coming in or out, surrounding it. In the back was an unusual contraption, it looked like a makeshift cage from a horse race, which would be used to hold the horses, with idle runners swaying in place, letting out their chilling groans every so often.

The trainees and patrollers were at a safe distance, so the Infected would only react if they shouted. The sound of horse falls come from the side, and Ellie comes in on her horse, Dina in tow.

"Right, settle yourselves, I'm gonna go talk to our almighty leader."

Maria spoke with sarcasm, but JJ knew it was just that- sarcasm. She loved his mom as though she were her own family.

Still, that didn't mean the others knew, and as he stood on his tiptoes to look for his parents, they started gossiping.

"Ooo, drama."

"What? No way, she'd never speak bad of her like that!"

"Oh, why's that, Seth? Just cuz you fancy her."

There's a gasp.

"Do  _ not!" _

They laugh, and JJ rolls his eyes, which Avery notices.

"C'mon guys, that's his mom."

The tall guy from class, Connor, frowns.

"No she's not, is she? I thought she raised you, but that the… other one was your mom?"

_ He's not trying to be mean, he just doesn't know. _

"My dad died before I was born, mom and mama raised me together, so she's my parent too."

He looked just as confused, but a little less than, and nodded.

"Ooh, okay, sorry buddy I got lost."

He shrugged, this was the first time they spoke after all.

"It's okay."

"What's she like?"

Someone else asked, and JJ realised he'd never spoken to them before.

"She's… she's my mom. She's badass and doesn't take any shit, I love her."

"Did she scare you as a kid?"

_ What? _

"What?" He voiced his thoughts.

"Yeah,  _ what _ ?"

_ Avery sounds so much cooler than me. _

The kid looked worried, waving his hands in panic.

"I-I didn't mean anything by it! I just meant cuz of all that- you know!"

He waved at his body, and JJ's eyebrow raised.

"Everyone has scars, they're not all scary. She never scared me, not once, I love her."

They all looked interested, nodding along as though they only  _ just _ realised the formidable Ellie Williams was a human too.

_ Huh, weird. _

"Well,  _ my _ ears are burning."

The group turned with a comedic gasp, JJ the only one to grin. Well, Avery did too, but that's because she got on  _ weirdly  _ well with his mom.

"Hey Misses J!"

She rolled her eyes fondly and clapped her hands, quiet enough to not startle the infected.

"Okay, this is how it's gonna go. We gathered and bound these dudes, and we'll release one at a time. You gotta kill if before it gets past-" she gestures behind her, to a rope on the floor, "- that line. If you don't, we'll put it down and you'll have to start from scratch. Got it?"

They all nod, ready to  _ finally _ pass. All but JJ, obviously.

"Cool, let's line you all up."

They were sorted alphabetically, so JJ had some time to panic. He watched as his classmates stood their ground as the runner approached, driven with hunger, and shooting it. Either in the knees and then the head, or just the head, it got the job done.

Even  _ Connor _ managed to pass, despite being held back a year.

_ Oh Christ. _

His mama stood with him for most of it, unable to look away from her wife who was standing behind the student, gun ready incase infected got too close.

Ellie let out a low whistle as Avery's runner fell, skidding over the line as it stopped twitching.

"Close one, but nicely done!"

The young girl grinned and high fived his mom, turning to give him a look of pure joy.

_ "Dude I did it!" _

She mouthed, he gave her a thumbs up back.

"Alright, now not to be biased, but we saved the best for last. C'mon, JJ!"

Mama squeezed his shoulder, giving him a kiss on his cheek and whispering something to him, he thinks. All he can hear is the blood rushing through his head, his ears thumping as his heart raced.

A gun is placed in his hand by Tommy, he says something too.

_ I… I can't do this! _

It's too late, they release the infected, which sprints right for him, obviously. JJ raised the gun, and time seemed to slow as anxiety crippled his arms.

_ I can't move. _

It's feet slammed as it got closer, and he thinks he can hear his parents shouting.

He steps back, it crosses the line, reaching for him.

It's head blows up in his face, making him shut his eyes as it falls onto him, catching it instinctively as his ears ring.

He lands on his back, the runner limp on his chest for a moment, before a sneaker comes into view as it kicks the infected clean in the shoulder, and suddenly he can see his mom.

_ Mom? _

She looked furious, firing several shots into the infected, and JJ wanted to cry.

_ I'm sorry I failed. _

He stumbles to his feet, his mama holding his shoulder and wiping her hands over his face, eyes wide and concerned.

JJ shut his eyes, shoving her away and sprinting back to the horses.

"JJ!"

His mom shouted after him, and fear encased his heart.

_ I've let them down, so god, fuck! _

Without thinking about much else, he started riding as fast as his horse could run, back to Jackson.

* * *

He'd abandoned his horse as soon as he passed the gate, getting a shout from the stable workers. He ran home, throwing himself into his room, shoving his desk to wedge against the door, leaning against it as he started to cry.

_ I'm such a failure. _

He's there for about five minutes before the front door opens.

_ "JJ!" _

_ "Where you at, spud?!" _

Their feet thunder up the stairs, they were talking to each other.

_ "Not in the living room-" _

_ "No, not in the bathroom either!" _

They come to his door, and it shifts.

_ "Spud? Dina! He's in here!" _

The door is pushed again, he can hear them grunting.

_ "It won't budge-" _

_ "I told you the desk was a bad idea!" _

_ "Oh, hindsight darling? Now?!" _

_ "Yeah, good point." _

They grunt and it moves, but JJ is aware how little.

"Go away!"

His mama bangs the door.

_ "Sweetie please let us in, we just wanna talk!" _

He shakes his head.

"No! I'm never coming out of this room again! I'm a failure!"

_ "No you're not-" _

His mama stoops talking suddenly, and he's shaking on the floor. They're whispering, and he can't hear what they're saying.

_ "Sweetheart please, what's going on? Talk to us." _

JJ couldn't refuse his mama anything, apparently.

"I- I don't want to do patrols! They scare me!"

_ "They scare everyone-" _

"No, not like this! I- I see an infected and it's like- it's like I can't breathe! I can't move and they're gonna kill me!"

His chest starts heaving, he's struggling to take breath. There's a smash of glass, and he quickly looks at the window with a yell of fear.

_ M… mom? _

Ellie snuck her hand through the hole she'd made, undoing the latch and opening the window. She didn't come in right away, leaning in through from the windowsill.

_ "Hey, kiddo. Can I come in?" _

_ She doesn't… look too mad. _

He nods, and she lets out a breath of relief as she climbs in. She brushes some glass off of her shoulder, and walks closer to him.

_ "Ellie? Are you in there?" _

She doesn't look away from him, offering a small smile.

"Yeah! I'm in."

_ "Thank god." _

Ellie sits down not far from him, crossing her legs with a huff. They didn't speak, and his mom was happy to keep it as that for a while, until JJ couldn't take it anymore.

"Aren't you gonna say anything?"

She shrugged, tapping her remaining fingers against her knee.

"If you want me to. Do you?"

JJ didn't know what to say, so he looked down, hair falling over his eyes.

"I don't… I dunno."

"Can I come closer?"

He nodded, she shuffled to him, shifting so they say shoulder to shoulder, and she placed her hand on his knee.

"Talk to me goose."

He frowned.

"Goose?"

"Oh, it's one of your grandpa's favourites, I'll have to show you at some point!"

She grinned, not that he saw.

"Sounds good."

"Awesome, so what happened back there?"

They both looked up as the sound of his mama sliding down the door reached them, and Ellie acknowledged his blockade handy work as he thought.

_ Ah, fuck it. _

"Mom I don't want to be a patroller, or a scout or anything. I'm- I'm not  _ brave _ like you and mama, or Maria or Tommy, or- or  _ dad  _ or grandpa. I never wanted to- I just didn't know how to tell you."

Ellie nodded, clicking her tongue as she processed, deciding on what to say with a final nod, tapping his knee to get his attention.

"JJ that's absolutely okay, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, your mother and I will love and support you with anything that you do, I promise."

His eyes welled up, lip shaking.

"I didn't want to let you down-"

"You're not. You're not letting us down, or anyone else. You're strong, JJ, not everyone has to have the same strength. Hell, when I was a kid the infected terrified me, I only became a scout because it's all I knew how to do. But if I'm being honest?"

He followed her gaze to the painting which hung on his wall, one she'd made as a gift for his birthday, of himself and his parents.

"I wish I was brave enough to do what you did, to be honest with yourself, and I am so  _ proud _ of you, spud."

He smiled despite his tears, leaning into her shoulder as she wrapped her arm around him.

"If you ever feel like this again, please talk to us. Nothin' you do will make us love you any less than we do, got it?"

JJ nods, and she kisses his forehead.

"Now, shall we let your mother in before she uses that 'post losing monopoly' superhuman strength 'a her's ta get through the door?"

_ "Come on, it was one time!" _

Ellie was bemused, cupping her mouth to shout back.

"You broke two tables!"

"And a lamp." JJ added, snickering when his mama sighed.

_ "Good point." _

Ellie offered him a fist to bump, which he promptly did, before getting up to start moving the desk.

"Hey, kiddo?"

She asked, handing him a chair.

"Hm?"

"Do you… have any idea what you'd like to do?"

He furrowed his brow, taking the next thing she handed him.

"I… I'm not sure. Actually, is… that okay?"

He caught a ball she threw at him, making her laugh at his shocked expression.

"Of course it is, kid."

They cleared the barricade, and JJ was promptly caught in the biggest bear hug, breaking only to drag Ellie into it, kissing them both on the cheeks with loud dramatic actions.

"Okay, okay! Stop you'll drown me!"

He pulled away, his mom's laughing at his over the top wiping of his cheeks.

* * *

They ended the evening in a relaxing way, playing some games, eating dinner and watching a movie. And as JJ sat between his parents, he felt his anxiety and fear start to seep away.

_ I'll be okay,  _ he thought,  _ we'll be okay. _

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed and have a lovely day (:


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